| If not for you, my sky would fall..Rain would gather, too..Without your love I'd be nowhere at all.. |
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| 11:06am 24/04/2005 |
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mood:  Cold Hard Bitch
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~*~I'd be lost, if not for you~*~
Blake loves me. Very much. Surprised the hell out of me last night...
He came over to the house after he got off work, and we talked about the stuff that's going on. Talked about how our relationship is in his hands. Talked about the fact that this is not gonna get it.
Then we talked about what he wanted. He said,"For everything to work out".
Too vague. Give me more.
I ask him if we were ever gonna get married and he said that he didn't know that yet.
So I said, "You love me, but you don't know if you want to marry me or not?"
He said that he's trying to deal with so much other stuff that he hasn't even thought about that.
So I MADE him think about it.
I said, "So what you want me to just be your GIRLFRIEND forever? Or do you want to wait until we're 30?"
He said, "No. Maybe 23. OR 22."
It's two years away. And he's not thinking about it.
I informed him last night that a proper engagement period IS two years.
He looked at me like that was insane and said that he just wanted to jump right into getting engaged and then married really quickly.
So once he gets out of school, if we are still together, we are gonna get married.
The kind of job he'll have he can work from home. He'd be home all the time!!!
And we talked about kids and I said that we should wait a year and then have kids, he said that I took the words right out of his head.
He's not too smart.
Needless to say, I'm really confused right now, and don't know what I want.But I know that I want to be with Blake, whilst-and at the SAME TIME-I know that if things don't improve I need to find someone else who will treat me better
Blake knows that there is somebody else who I could be with. And I told Blake last night that if things don't shape up I could leave and he'd never have to see me again.
He seems to be taking me seriously.
Finally.
OMG!!
In lieu of all the drama I almost forgot! Last night all of Homewood, Vestavia, and parts of Hoover were BLACKED OUT!!!
One minute I'm standing there saying to Blake that this whole thing was like Dawson's Creek, and then the power just goes out completely. It's funny but my first thought was, "Now look what you've done, Blake".
I'm so mean.
I'm terrified of the dark, but of course Blake sees better in the dark and is king of stealth so I got the hell scared out of me several times. And then the world turned into Resident Evil. The sirens and things. Me and Blake...And some guy named Jordan...Were standing outside waiting on the zombies.
Turns out some sort of power substation blew up and caught fire.
It was crazy there for an hour or so.
I pretended that I was on "24".
Bridget came by BP again last night. It's the second time she's come up there while I've been there. I think I can sort of deal a little, but I better not hear a single word hinting that he's hanging out with her again.
I'm such a hypocrite.
But anyway she's engaged and Blake isn't in love with her, he's in love with me.Still she was there when I wasn't and that makes me angry that she knows stories that I don't know. And that she pimped him out on Halloween.
He dressed as a girl.
I'm seriously concerned about my boyfriends sexuality.
I think I need a vacation from the WORLD. I think I'll take that Wednesday.
Thank you very much. |
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| I know I'll never get over you.So deep this feeling I have for you. |
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| 11:15am 23/04/2005 |
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mood:  happy
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Your eyes rip through my heart.Your smile tears me apart.I knew it! It's so true I'll never get over you...
I know I am SO contrary. But sometimes that's the way it goes.
I have found somebody that I can't beleive I looked over all these years. He's cute and sweet and funny. He's so much more stable than Blake ever was, and in the past three days he's treated me better than Blake or anyone else ever has.
And he only lives in Concord.
Turns out he's had a crush on me since SEVENTH GRADE!! I had no idea. Tina knew, June, Angel, and Nick knew. He was gonna ask me to Prom senior year but didn't cause Tina told him that I was in love with Michael Redman (I HATE Michael Redman).
And now our sisters play softball in the same league.
It's the best feeling in the world!!!
Oh, and on an interesting note, Randy Kent is his COUSIN!! LOL!!
But I don't really want to leave Blake because I love him. Blake finally realises that he doesn't have a leg to stand on, so...Hopefully he'll shape up. |
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| You sat on the edge of my bed and smoked with the ghost in the back of my head.. |
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| 07:50am 25/02/2005 |
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mood:  drained
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Me and Blake are back together...Have been since the 18th of January...
He and Brad came over that night and then Brad left and me and Blake were kind of tipsy and...I FOUGHT it!! I did!! But what was I supposed to do? He was so cute and so sweet and so SORRY for all the hurt he put me through.
He said that breaking up with me was the biggest mistake he ever made.
AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVES ME. SEVERAL times!!
I'm really happy. It's like all is right with the world.
June had her baby on the 16th of February. Her name is Kayden Aeris Guy, she was seven pounds two ounces, and she was if I remember correctly 21 inches? I think? Maybe less...But she's got LONG little legs.
She's my little niecey!! |
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| SCOTLAND YAY!!! |
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| 12:58am 07/01/2005 |
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I'm currently talking to my Scottish friend Simon.
He is cute as a bug...And he's got GINGER hair...Just like a Weasley...I'm betraying my house...I know...Sue me...
He's so cute and flirty with me!! He's gonna be 24 this year. He's just a year older than Bradley!!
GOD but I wish he were over here. The odds of us ever meeting in person are SO slim to none...
Kaylie how can you stand Robbie being so FAR away!!! |
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| New Years 2005 |
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| 03:56pm 03/01/2005 |
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mood: Winter...Don't you hate it.
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Okay, last year was a blast.
This year was a BUST.
I drank an entire bottle of Amaretto by myself, sobered up within one hour, got sleepy, got irritale,then got depressed.
I went on a blind date. One of Blake's "Marine" friends. He sounded okay on the phone, but in person..
He was about two inches shorter than me, was not built like a marine, and all he could say when he tried to start a convorsation was military chants and songs...That is WHEN he was around me, otherwise he was hanging out with Brad on the balcony while me and June hung out in a room full of strangers.
The drama with Blake is over. At the begining of this week he got mad at me because I called him "Babe" and he felt like I was acting like I was already his girlfriend again. SO he told me to call him back before he went to bed, so I did.
::FLASHBACK::
About a month ago Blake told June that he stopped seeing Bridget. He said she was too emotional and whiny. For the past few weeks we had been talking and flirting; he was gonna buy me this ring I picked out for Christmas (cause he asked me what I wanted. I straight up told him jewelry!! and I picked it out myself), and then Saturday night we were talking about getting together and getting drunk together on New Years Eve...AT THE COMFORT INN. And he's telling me to be careful cause he gets "frisky" when he drinks?
::BACK TO MONDAY,NOW::
So I called him, and this girl answers the phone. I said so,"Is Blake there?"
"No, he can't come to the phone right now. Um, this is Bridget. I'm his girlfriend, and I think he would appreciate it if you stopped calling."
I sat there for a minute and hung up in her face. I was infuriated.
I told him that I never wanted to speak to him again and that he needed to focus all of his attention on his girlfriend. I told him that I wasn't stupid and I knew that he had been seeing her behind my back before we ever broke up. I told him that we couldn't be friends anymore, because he didn't know how to be friends with me and not flirt with me. I said that I must not be hott enough for him because I don't have bullet holes for ear lobes. I told him that he deserved her, and that I loved him and he left me for THAT.
And then while I was talking to Brad Friday morning I found out that it wasn't what it had appeared.
"Blake and Bridget never WERE together," meaning that she was NEVER his girlfriend in the first place,"It wasn't even Bridget's voice, it was Haven's."
And I loved Haven. I thought she was just too cool. But now I had said horrible, terrible, jealous, bitchy things to Blake that I can never take back.
Turns out he was mad because I called him "Babe" when I said hey to him the other day. He felt I was already acting like his girlfriend.
I'm sorry that I feel the way I feel. And I'm even more sorry that I was honest with him.
I'm a bitch and he's a liar.
But I've lost my best friend; he knew me inside and out, and now he isn't talking to me. And I CAN'T talk to him anymore either.
I've never felt this cold and sickly and empty. I know I'm not alone, and that everyone is having a terrible time adjusting to 2005, but I wish that it never happened. I wish that I could talk to him about it. And I wish above anything else that we could just go back to the way things were before---at least we were friends then. Now he hates me.
Happy New Year. |
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| OOOOOooooookit!!! |
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| 09:34pm 16/12/2004 |
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mood:  SLYTHERIN!!!!
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be sorted @ nimbo.net
WEASLEY LET THE QUAFFLE IN!WEASLEY CANNOT BLOCK A THING!
THAT'S WHY THE SLYTHERIN'S ALL SING WEASLEY IS OUR KING!
GO BIG GREEN AND SILVER!!!! |
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| The day the music....died. |
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| 02:13pm 08/12/2004 |
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mood:  nostalgic
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Today is the 24TH anniversary of Johnny Lennon's death.
Do you get birthday cake on your Death Day?
Ugh, who knows.
Anyroad, I've been feeling a little down and out of sorts today...I miss Blake a lot, too.Today more so than other days, and I told him so...He asked me why I missed him today more than others. I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm being too introspective and retrospective and I'm lonely on top of it all. But I'm glad I told him that.
I took this test online and look what I got:
Congratualtions! You're in Slytherin! Hey, just
because you're in Slytherin doesn't make you
evil. It just means you know how to get what
you want. You're smart, quick witted and not
easily thrown off balance. You'd make an
excellent detective!
What Hogwarts House Do You Belong To?
brought to you by Quizilla
How cool is that!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'm in Slytherin!! Look out Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws!!! Slytherin's gonna kick your asses!!! |
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| Was it you who spoke the words that "things would happen" but not to me? |
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| 12:53pm 01/12/2004 |
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mood:  frillin' stoked!!!
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Oh, things are gonna happen naturally.
I had this TERRIBLE dream last night that Bridget was living with Blake and that she was trying to get him to marry her...
And then I found out today that they aren't together!!!!!
AAAAAAAAaaaaaah! I'm just SO friggin' happy!!
Cause I was right and it didn't work!!!
This is the hapiest I've been in months!!! And Bradley said, you don't need to get to overboard and I'm not going to!! I'm just content to watch the pie and know that it's not being eaten by anybosy else. I don't care even if we get back together or not!!! It's just great knowing that he's single and a loser like me!!!! |
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| huh... |
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| 12:53pm 24/11/2004 |
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I hate theives and I hate liars. They get on my very last nerve.
This guy stole angie's mouse and my chair and it's obvious about the mouse, but he said he got the chair from over here...I call BULL. And the only thing he's using it for is his jacket.
I hate people like that. Just have to make life difficult for everybody else, and piss them off in the process. Life must be fun for him.
Dick. |
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| "I smell like a walking body shop." |
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| 08:16pm 23/11/2004 |
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mood:  amused
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sO.
I lEft WOrK aT 3:47 p.M. anD Went TO BrOOkwOOd MaLL.
I BOUGHT a cRoW shiRT thAt sAys "ERIC DRAVEN" iN prEtty LeTTeRS.
NoW i'M BAaAaACK @ wErK anD i'M BORED.>>>.>>.
And HitTinG the SHift kEy @ rand0m inTervaLs is FUUUUUUNNNNN... |
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| Somebody is wearing Kilo.... |
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| 02:48pm 23/11/2004 |
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mood:  hmm hmmm hmm
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GODIVA!!! That smells good....::faints cause she thinks of randy everytime she smells that::
I need to get back into theatre. I miss acting so BADLY.
Maybe Jeffrey will put me in his movie...I have no idea what it's about but he used something I said last night in it.
I was telling him that there's something about me that just repells boys and I said, "Maybe it's cause I have a vagina."
Jeff and Terry bust out laughing...
I guess it was funny, but I was being serious!!
Oh, well.
and me and Jeff discussed the finer points of the crow and if we could make a crow movie how much it would rock.
It WOULD rock. Cause nobody would be truer to the comic than we would. |
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| BLINK BLINK BLINK |
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| 03:33pm 19/11/2004 |
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mood:  i'm just...here
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Kaylie's journal friend people have..Nakee icons...
::B*L*U*S*H::
Anywho...I want to go home. Work sucks and I SO don't want to be here anymore than I absolutely have to.
I found out today that Josh has a girlfriend....I'm BUMMED.
But something that made me happy was that Blake and Bridget don't seem to be working out!!
Mimi's on the verge of doing SNOOPY DANCES!!::doo-doo-doot-doo...doo-doo-doot-doo-doo-doo doo-doo...duh-duh-duh duh-duh-duh:: (peanut's theme song)
Speaking of "Peanut"...June's baby is 100% a girl and we think her name is gonna be "Kayden Elizabeth" which roughly means "pure/enlightened--God is my oath". She's gonna be all pretty and cute and curly headed. I"M GONNA BE AN AUNT!!!! YYYYYAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
I don't know what I'm doing for the Alabama/Auburn game tomorrow, so if anybody wants to come hang out at my house...And watch it on a tiny, tiny screen and yell explitives everytime something good or bad happens...COME PLEASE. I am issueing a formal invitation.
So Amanda Sparklie-boo, Kaylie-waylie , Peykee, Ranny, anybody else in the area that reads this...Well...Unless you're some random person...But if you're a random person and [****AMANDA IS ABOUT TO BE VAIN AND SHALLOW****] you're good looking...and a male...By birth...And not a convict...Oh, well, but if you're a hott convict..That makes you kind of...hotter...OH FRILLIN' GODS!!! Just come. I don't care.
I'm just lonely and need the support of my loving, beautiful, not mean friends, who would never EVER abandon me in this time of great doubt and need--
I need to stop watching lifetime. |
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| I will see your gank and raise you a taco.. |
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| 12:47pm 18/11/2004 |
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mood: UGH
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01. Who are you?
02. Are we friends?
03. When and how did we meet?
06. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
07. Describe me in one word.
08. What was your first impression?
09. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
14. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you? |
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| I am one cold little taco. |
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| 05:46pm 17/11/2004 |
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mood:  Mourning
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UGH. Middle of the week. If I can survive the next two days I can mourn the loss of something I never got the chance to have.
I still can't fully grasp why this has upset me so badly. Maybe it's not really him that I'm upset about. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I'm just sad because I want to be in love SO badly, and it'll never happen.
Mourning the loss of something I'll never have.
I guess that's the only thing I can do right now. It's so mind numbing to know that you'll never see someone again and you never really got to know them as well as you wanted to.
Fate is SUCH a tease sometimes. |
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| Prozac. Not just for manic depressives. |
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| 12:35pm 16/11/2004 |
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mood: depressed
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Then again, define manic depressive.
Another day, and I'm still upset. I tried to call him this morning like he wanted me to, but no one answered.
Paw-Paw brought all of us girls flowers from his garden this morning, and that kind of cheered me up a little. But then I was running late and had to tell the whole sob story to Monna. She wants me to be hopeful and all "Maybe you can convince him to move back. Maybe he'll move back." But I know he won't. Not even for me.
Oh my God. And to add to/top off the whole morning...I was struggling to find gas money, cause I'm broke as a joke...I finally gathered up enough change and was just about to leave when these guys from Alabama Power drove up and purposefully blocked my drive way so they could whistle at me, and when I shot 'em "drop dead fuck hole" looks they drove off grinnin' like I'd flashed 'em.
Utility workers are pigs.
My head still hurts, and my heart is still broken...I'm just exhausted. I'm exhausted and just bloody lost as to what I'm supposed to do now. Do I wait on Randy?
I had a dream last night about him leaving and he told me not to cheat on him. How can you cheat on somebody your just talking to? Heh...It's just not fair that he's leaving...
I'll update later today. Maybe after he talked to me last night he had an epiphany.
Doubtful. |
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| I hate Mississippi. |
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| 01:58am 16/11/2004 |
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mood: my heart is broken
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Randy came home tonight. But he's leaving again tomorrow. He's going to live with his uncle.
I don't know why I'm so upset. It's not that big really...It's not like I loved him or anything. There was just...Something between us. And it could have been good. But.
He wants me to call him in the morning before I go to work...They disconnected his cell phone, so I won't be able to get in touch with him, and he doesn't have my number memorized..I don't know what the point is, I'll never see him again.
I hope whatever god it is that keeps doing this to me is very happy now. I hope they are fucking laughing themselves into hysterics.
Cause I just can't beleive he's leaving...It's just NOT FAIR!!
It's just not FAIR. |
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| God...What a weekend... |
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| 06:59pm 15/11/2004 |
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mood: dracula-visits-me-at-night...
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I think I have an aneurism in my right brain cause I have this perma-headache.
This weekend was nuts. Just because it was. Nothing really happened but...I don't know the vibe was weird.
Friday I went home from work early because I did NOT feel good. AT all. It wasn't an urp-y i-don't-feel-good...More of a drained, dracula-visits-me-at-night-and-I'm-gonna-be-his-new-concubine feeling(Heh. Go brain! Go! Think of new and interesting was to string words together and bring families closer!!! ::round of applause from -1 people::).
Saturday I sat at Momma and Daddy's all day. I made the astonishing discovery that big, brown, tarantula-like spiders (possibly brown recluses, but I'm not sure) like to live in my bedroom. So I moved all of my blankets and my quilt off of my bed and all my pillows and have been sleeping (quite comfortably, I might add) on the day-bed in the living room. It's just as nice if not better than sleeping in my room. I think I might just turn my room into like a guest room of sorts. I need to clean it though...::thinks of spiders and squeals::
Saturday night me and Tina went to see "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason". It was very cute!!! I also saw the previews for (OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!::salivates::) THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!!!!!!!
Advanced tickets, here I come!!! It opens December 22nd!!!
Sunday me and Autumn, my sister, went to lunch with Paw-Paw. We went to Home Plate and...That was the most crowded that place has ever been...AND the service was HORRIBLE!!! It was crazy...
Then Sunday I sat around all day and then went over to Rosie and Barry's to watch "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil", which I liked...And I also rented "The Crow: City of Angels"...Vincent Perez is nummy. But not as nummy as Brandon Lee.
Crow obsession refuses to falter, the report--news at ten.
As for the romance section of todays journal entry...There's not much to tell...
Randy is still in Mississippi...Or was Friday afternoon, which is the last time I could get a hold of him. And his phone keeps saying, quote: "the number you have dialed is temporarily out of service if you beleive that you have received this message in error please hang up and dial the number again. message 4 b-h-m 3"--End Quote....He was supposed to be back by tonight...But I don't know where he is...And that bothers me a little. I'm kind of worried about him. ::sigh::
So here we are. Another Monday. And I, Amanda Epperson, am alone again,naturally.
This is your very own dating disaster, signing off. |
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| Ugh. |
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| 04:32pm 12/11/2004 |
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mood: I need a tylenol...
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I don't feel good.
I left work early today...I feel SO crappy...Bleh...
Randy is still in Mississippi and according to him he will be until Monday at the latest...It's a little alarming, I miss him.
It's weird because it's not like, you know, I'm all that dependant on seeing him and stuff, but I do miss him , kinda.
Oh, and a new development, Blake bought a truck. Funny how he does all this after we break up...He's probably selling his aderol again for extra money.
Prick. |
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sleepy